Sunday, August 19, 2007
If you go to this website you may not come out for a number of years.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
They have calculated the number of electrons which fly around every time a piece of digital information goes whizzing down the line and worked out that the internet weighs.......
.....wait for it
On a completely unrelated topic I have read that there is now a Cornish Liberation Army who are threatening bomb attacks in Cornwall. Now we live in Northern Ireland and , quite frankly, we have had our fill of liberation armies. We are going to Cornwall on our holidays which now appears to be one of those 'frying pan into the fire' decisions which I have been prone to make. I only hope that they delay the outbreak of their struggle until after the realdocs have left.
Just popping out to book next year's summer break in Gaza.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Monday, June 04, 2007
- waterpolo is a very violent sport especially when the kids get to "tackle" their swimming coach at close quarters.
- I now know every feature on my phone (and all of their phones)
- I have had a crash course in how to play Animal Crossing (a game on those little machines they all have)
- If you let a bunch of girls loose in a shopping centre they will spend all the money they have brought for lunch on shoes and hair accessories.
- I now have an intimate knowledge of Hannah Montana, High School Musical and how "hot" Orlando Bloom is.
- Teenage girls feel that saying "whatevah" is too much like hard work. They now say "vah" instead.
It is a relief to be back in the laid back and relaxing atmosphere of the NHS.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
Standing on the paper when I'm trying to do the crossword
rolling in the coalhole
or just plain ignoring us
But I will stand firm, he will not triumph, oh no. I will be strong despite the fact that I have just realised I have turned into one of those sad, middle-aged women who post pictures of their cat on their blog
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Mr realdoc hasn't been great company recently as he has been riveted by the yawnsome spectacle that was the cricket world cup so I'm just going to have a scout around and see what you've all been up to whilst I've been away. Any hatches, matches or dispatches I need to know about??
Anyway mucho cyber love to you all.
Monday, March 19, 2007
I just spent a lovely weekend with my mates from university in a place called Hope. The high Peaks are beautiful even if they are hard going for a rather indolent middle-aged woman whose usual exercise consists of hefting icecubes into the G&T. My companions were three other middle-aged women escaping their domestic responsibilities:
- a bass-playing, karate chopping classics teacher
- a would-be author
- a consultant physician who (she tells me) knows everything there is to know about constipation.
The weekend started, as these things often do, with an almighty piss-up on the Friday night and the rest of the weekend was spent trying to recover.*
We chatted a lot, shared book and music recommendations and photos of the kids** and generally put the world to rights. I ended up being a right old misery, which is my wont, so for that I apologise.
On the Sunday morning, despite weather which (if you were prone to understatement) could be described as inclement, I was entertained by hundreds of people wearing lycra running down an extremely steep slope outside my bedroom window. I have never encountered fell-runners close up before and came to the conclusion that these people are clearly insane.
So, it's good to be back blogchums, hope you haven't all deserted me whilst I've been gone.
*If you are ever tempted to drink this stuff make sure you have nothing important to do the next day.
**You never, never, never get used to seeing photos of the children of people you have known in your youth.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
2. Anne of Green Gables
4. An olympic swimmer
5. Someone's valentine
6. A bass player in a punk band
7. A polymath
Seven things I have been:
2. A prefect
3. A barmaid
4. A (very crap) DJ
5. An assistant at a liver transplant
6. A GP
Monday, February 19, 2007
So, apropos of nothing at all, I am going to rant on a bit about the Today programme on radio 4, Mr. John Humphries in particular.
As first thing in the morning, I like to be lulled into consciousness, rather than harangued by a fat misogynist with inner child issues, I waken to the Today programme. This has been my routine for at least 10 years. Recently, however, I am finding the programme increasingly irritating. I don't know if it is the insufferable 'Thought for the Day' ,(my thought..if I wanted to be lectured on my morals I would go to a philosophy lecture and not listen to a patronising load of bollocks spouted by a sanctimonious cleric with inner child issues.) or the invariable items on the demise of the sparrow. No, the thing that winds me up the most is the unbearably smug Mr. Humphries. You may recognise the tone, you know, self-satisfied and utterly devoid of humour or self-awareness.
This progamme is meant to be the flagship discussion and news programme on the BBC and all we are given is Mr. Humphries whining on and on about everything......why oh why.... ad nauseum, interspersed with the so-called tough questioning of various government representatives. In fact all he does is loudly express a personal belief and then sit back and ignore everything that is said to him in reply.
I was unlucky enough to hear him on some other programme talking about music the other day and it was obvious to me that he is one of those people who just doesn't 'get' the point of it, it's just background noise to him. Whilst I'm on the subject he is also patronising towards his fellow presenters, especially the women. Also he's about 60 and he has a little kid, yeuchhh. And he's always going on about how he wants it to rain, for the benefit of the farmers, when it's been pissing it down here for about 6 weeks.
Now I am not young, I am proudly middle-aged. What that means is that about half the population are younger than me. Mr Humphries is either speaking for the older demographic and is quite happy to be out of touch with the rest of us, or I am just a bit touchy*.
Anyway, I would like to listen to a current affairs programme in the morning that informs and entertains without being patronising. I would like to hear a presenter who isn't an old-fashioned, misogynistic, creepy, egotist. Is that too much to ask?
Sunday, February 11, 2007
I will be in London again this week visiting the in-laws for half-term. (I know, I know my carbon footprint is the size of a small African nation). Unlikely to see any of you though, as I will be accompanied by the kids and a grumpy consultant radiologist. The itinerary is thus certain to include:
- A visit to the only specialist sylvanian family outlet in the UK (in the wasteland that is Finsbury Park in case you're interested) with baby realdoc.
- Top Shop Oxford Street with petulent teen realdoc. (feel my pain)
- The Science Museum to see the first CT scanner (again).
- (if I get to choose) A trip to Divertimenti to slaver over the lovely kitchen accessories which would look perfect in my embryonic new kitchen but will prove too expensive for Mr. realdoc to agree to purchase.
Give us a wave if you spot us.
Monday, February 05, 2007
This took me back to the days when I was young and the signal that my mum was on a diet was the presence of ryvita in the house along with this stuff.
All tasty titbits were banned when mum was on a diet, not that they were much in evidence anyway, so when I arrived home from school ravenous I was reduced to eating what was available. Now a meal of ryvita and PLJ tasted like house bricks washed down with battery acid but I still remember thinking it was exotic, somehow, to be eating it.
The, admittedly somewhat lame, point of this story is that food must have got a hell of a lot more interesting since the 70s.**
*For example it takes me an age to choose bananas, too many difficult dilemmas you see:
green vs yellow
organic vs non-organic
free trade vs ?nasty capitalistic
big vs small
**Not interesting enough for me not to buy the new ryvita though.***
***Although I will never buy that acid stuff, oh no!
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
If you are a completely healthy person and you pay an outrageous amount of money for a full body scan you are a total twat.
Why you cry? "Isn't it a good thing to know that everything is OK and there are no lurking tumours or aneurysms waiting to kill you at any moment?"
No No No No No and again NO.
To quote the article "She had experienced no symptoms whatsoever, but it could have burst at any moment: the scan's locating of it allowed a relatively easy surgical fix."
But what, as would often be the case, there is no easy surgical fix. Then you have to live your life with a death sentence, would that make you feel better or worse do you think?
The other thing is that in the average middle-aged person the liklihood of having a normal scan is small. They would find little lumps and bumps which may or may not be dangerous. You will then be forced to have annual complete body scans to check if the innocuous lumps have changed or grown, making lots of money for the scan companies which is the aim of the whole bloody exercise.
Everyone who goes in for this sort of thing is seeking reassurance but not everyone will get it so think long and hard before subjecting yourself to an unnecessary investigation.
If however you are fascinated by scans and anatomy I can recommend Mr. realdoc's favourite site in the whole world, here. Marvel at the pretty pictures. I have a feeling that this is what he sees at moments of high emotion so wonderfully described by patroclus.
Friday, January 26, 2007
The teenagers frolicked and danced, had sex, took drugs and chatted up their teachers whilst running rings around their cartoon-crap parents. Now when I was young (you don't think you'll you ever say that phrase but you will, you will) I was miserable and embarrassed, greasy, spotty and deeply anti-social. In the company of adults I was monosyllabic, with my friends earnest and with the opposite sex terrified. Most of the time, however I was alone in my bedroom reading dark and obscure works of fiction, writing appalling angst-ridden verse or cataloging my record collection. Not much drama for a TV series there.
Now, maybe I had a worse adolescence than most, but I do not recognise the version of those terrible years portrayed in 'Skins'*. I shall not be watching it again. As well as being bright and shiny all the characters were smug, shallow and very dull.
Are teenagers that different now or was I suffering from some sort of sociopathic personality disorder?
So, were your adolescent years the best of your life or the night of the living dead?
* I am an adult and will therefore use the appropriate punctuation.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
(one of my close relatives)
Where is Craggy Island really?
Monday, January 22, 2007
Saturday, January 20, 2007
- The Northern Irish health service is being reorganised and I have to 'make an impression' if I want to keep my job. I can say 'would you like some toast' in the manner of Sean Connery but I don't think that's going to help somehow.
- My kitchen is being rebuilt so walls down, dust everywhere, intermittant access to the cooker* etc.
- I don't want to be labelled an addict (see last post).
- My eldest is entering her teenage years which seems to involve a lot of door-slamming and mood swings which require me to stand in the corner and be verbally abused in a sarcastic manner and have my make-up nicked.
- I have 28 books piled up next to my bed and I'm feeling guilty about not having read them.
- I'm doing a post-graduate diploma thing which is extremely dull but I have only 4 months to go so I'm supposed to do some assignments and stuff.
So I will be here reading but perhaps not posting and commenting as much as before.
CB wanted to see some examples of Northern Ireland vernacular architecture. Here you are then, don't say I didn't warn you...
*cue noise of mass wincing*
This may not look so bad but in rural Northern Ireland ALL the houses look like this although they may also have large, rampant lions on the gateposts and a 6foot high model of a windmill in the garden. Such houses are often called 'La Ponderosa'.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Plus first in what is sure to become a longrunning theme:
NOVEL EXCUSES BY FRIENDS NOT TO COME AND VISIT ME IN NORTHERN IRELAND #1
"The vernacular architecture makes me wince."*
*She has a point.
Monday, January 15, 2007
My mate works at Channel 4 news and apparently the newsroom is now right behind the coke vs kittens campaign. (Even if Jon Snow thinks Ska is an acronym.)
(Sorry for the crap photography, I was shivering)
There was also a bloke there who claimed to be an academic investigating online communities, lots of Green Wing related writers and cameramen and other jobs I don't understand and lots of lovely people from the Green Wing forum. Being a skinflint I failed to secure bluecat's signed script in the auction which went for an alarming amount of money.*
There was a Q&A type session involving the writers being grilled on the medical details of Dr. Mac's impending doom and one of the writers kindly spoke to Mr. realdoc on the phone and listened politely whilst all his bile on behalf of the radiology profession was poured forth. ("...and in episode 9 one of the x-rays was upside down"....etc etc ad nauseum).
I had a very brief discussion with a famous person, some thing about Miss Marple and Mica Paris I think but I may have been hallucinating by then.
mangonel....marvel at how close I was to the back of his head.
It was very nice to discover that not as many of you as I had feared had bizarre personality disorders.
Now I'm going for a bit of a lie down.
*Seeing he was there and could have signed something anyway.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Meanwhile you should watch this. The problem with the NHS is that doctors are all bastards*, apparently.
*bastard is my swear of the day
Friday, January 05, 2007
I have also been trying to work out what Mac is dying from but as nearly every fatal illness I can think of has an 'A' and an 'E' in it I haven't made much progress.* I was slightly stunned when I saw it last night but it is much funnier on second viewing, highlights:
- new shouty radiologist (Mr realdoc loved him)
- New improved Karen and the office girls going native
- you shat in my vodka?
- you cannae, you didnae etc etc
- drunk Mac and Guy
- 'I meant inside her womb, not up her'
- Hiding a body with cornflakes
- that suit!!!!!!!!!!!!
- The fact that Joanna and Statham made me cry at the end ...etc etc etc
The end of the funniest programme on telly by miles, I will miss it very much. Congratulations to everyone involved. I will buy you a drink if I ever meet any of you...
*UPDATE It must be Menke's Kinky Hair Syndrome. How could I be so blind, Green Wing has always been about the hair.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
I am wondering about whether I should consider becoming transhuman; which, I'll concede is more ambitious than resolving to go to the gym occasionally, but probably just as unlikely.
I could become a poet or improve my cooking or, better still, combine the two.
I could learn Finnish as I fancy going to Finland but it is a confusing language and I'm not getting very far on this forum so far.
I could get a new man but after a certain age they all look the same to me.
So there you have it, my unrealistic aspirations for 2007. So in all probability I will just keep posting the same old nonsense in the hope that someone is reading it. Although, ahem,because of this I will have to do another podcast.
Finally a little piece of advice to all you women out there, if the man in your life is irritating and difficult to get rid of, why not give a gift that sums up his inner qualities.