Everything you need to know is here

A fantastic series of lectures by the world's greatest thinkers on everything you will ever need to know about everything is here!


*******************WARNING**************************

If you go to this website you may not come out for a number of years.

This is quite interesting

Some clever scientists, with not enough to do, have worked out how much the internet weighs.

They have calculated the number of electrons which fly around every time a piece of digital information goes whizzing down the line and worked out that the internet weighs.......



.....wait for it









..........................2 grammes!



On a completely unrelated topic I have read that there is now a Cornish Liberation Army who are threatening bomb attacks in Cornwall. Now we live in Northern Ireland and , quite frankly, we have had our fill of liberation armies. We are going to Cornwall on our holidays which now appears to be one of those 'frying pan into the fire' decisions which I have been prone to make. I only hope that they delay the outbreak of their struggle until after the realdocs have left.
Just popping out to book next year's summer break in Gaza.

Stupid reasons for buying things #1

I purchased this clock for my new kitchen so that on New Years Eve we can watch all the flaps turn over and pretend we are stuck down a hatch like on Lost.

Relaxing weekend...I wish.

Sorry I wasn't around at the weekend but I was bringing a group of 10-16 year old girls on a trip to Dublin for an introduction to waterpolo from the Women in Sport initiative. I gained a lot of knowledge and insight from the day (including spending 7 hours with them on a minibus) as follows:

• waterpolo is a very violent sport especially when the kids get to "tackle" their swimming coach at close quarters.
• I now know every feature on my phone (and all of their phones)
• I have had a crash course in how to play Animal Crossing (a game on those little machines they all have)
• If you let a bunch of girls loose in a shopping centre they will spend all the money they have brought for lunch on shoes and hair accessories.
• I now have an intimate knowledge of Hannah Montana, High School Musical and how "hot" Orlando Bloom is.
• Teenage girls feel that saying "whatevah" is too much like hard work. They now say "vah" instead.

It is a relief to be back in the laid back and relaxing atmosphere of the NHS.

Lies, damn lies, not even any statistics

The government in their infinite wisdom have decided to tell pregnant women that it is not safe to drink any alcohol during pregnancy. Apparently they feel this information will be easier to understand than " it is only safe to drink in moderation" which is the advice at present. This would be helpful if it was true but it is a lie. There is no evidence to show that small amounts of alcohol in pregnancy damage the fetus; ditto caffeine; ditto brie and pate; ditto stroking your cat.

Apparently in the US, that bastion of truth and freedom, pregnant women are routinely abused in starbucks for ordering a double espresso. In fact women in the US have been advised to regard themselves as pre-pregnant at all times and never drink alcohol or caffeine, smoke or take drugs, answer back to their husbands or attempt third-level education. OK I made the last two up but still, bloody health nazis!!!

Here is what your baby will look like if you have a small white wine spritzer at any time during your pregnancy............probably.

Passive aggressive puss

If you read GSE's very helpful halp site you will know that a recent visit to the vet has revealed that our cat is clinically obese. This has resulted from him hassling the family for titbits every time the fridge is opened. So we have decided to be firm...no more snacking.

This policy has now been in force for only two days, but Courtney (after Courtney Walsh, the other one's called Curtley after Curtley Ambrose) is mounting a sustained campaign of passive resistance.....

sitting in my handbag when I want to go out

Standing on the paper when I'm trying to do the crossword

rolling in the coalhole

or just plain ignoring us

But I will stand firm, he will not triumph, oh no. I will be strong despite the fact that I have just realised I have turned into one of those sad, middle-aged women who post pictures of their cat on their blog

Return of the prodigal...er...blogger.

*

I have been neglecting my blog for the last few months. Real life got very busy and then I just sort of got out of the habit and then the guilt set in. Must be a catholic thing but being tormented (well, vaguely irritated at least) by guilt because I am neglecting to update an online diary read by about three people, a peculiarly 21st century malaise, is a pain in the arse so here I am again.

I will start with something simple, so here's a cultural update on my reading, viewing and listening habits for the last few weeks:

Music: The new Tracey Thorn album is good in a chilled out sort of way and I have recently discovered the rather singular genius of Duke Special.

Books: The last 3 I read were

Engleby by Sebastian Faulks which is OK but slightly up its own arse

Theft: A Love Story by Peter Carey which is interesting especially if you want to know something about the world of modern art

Suite Francaise by Irene Nemirovsky which is very like previous Sebastian Faulks efforts which is ironic.... or not.

Viewing: I don't get to the pictures much so it's all telly I'm afraid.

Heroes is good but I can already tell it's going to let me down in a Lost, 24 sort of way. It will meander around and disappear up its own fundiment. Of all the superpowers on show so far I think the ability to melt toasters is my favourite and certainly the most useful although I can't think what for yet.

I saw the perfect moustache porn (see here for clarification) for the middle-aged woman the other night when Tombstone was on. Yum yum and Sam Elliott is going to be Lee Scoresby in the film version of His Dark Materials and that, in my opinion, can only be a good thing.

So my aim is to be a good blogger from now on and not stay away for more than a week unless I am on holiday or ill or something. Just off to see what you've all been up to....later!

*(Rather optimistically) the picture features the slaughter of the fatted calf