Monday, August 21, 2006

Passenger profiling...ooops

There has been a lot of chat in the media about passenger profiling for air travel. It seems now,that if they don't like the look of you, your fellow passengers can get you ejected forthwith.
Having been born and raised in Northern Ireland I have been subject to this sort of thing in the past.
"Look, there is a pale-skinned freckly type person, let's get her!"
I was once pulled from the line of Belfast passengers in Heathrow and questioned at length. It went something like this.
Some bloke who looked like an extra of the Bill,"What is the purpose of your visit?"
Me,"I'm a student here."
Fat bloke,"Where are you a student?"
Me,proudly(I was only 18)"Cambridge."
Him, not as impressed as he should have been,"Which college?"
Me, "Trinity."
Him,"What street is your college on?"
Me,"Duh, Trinity Street."(see that's where I made my mistake.)
Fat man with ironyectomy, "List all the shops in Trinity Street."
Me, "You're kidding!"
He then went on to question me for at least 40 minutes on Cambridge and its environs and the detailed content of the first year medical syllabus. I was getting rather shirty by the end of all this but quite impressed by the extent of this guy's knowledge of geography and basic biochemistry. Anyway my point is that passenger profiling is an opportunity for fat blokes with irony deficiency to aggravate people for the hell of it.

The other thing is that they may question people who know you about whether you have any past form and I have to confess a guilty secret.
When I was 8 this happened. Feeling inspired I kidnapped my little sister's much loved teddy bear, cut off his ear and left the gory evidence with a ransom note on her bed. Now, this may have demonstrated an early talent for microsurgery but could look bad if I ever have to prove to any fat jobsworths that I am not a potential terrorist with borderline psychopathic personality disorder.
Hey ho holidays in the land of the leprachaun (and perpetual rain and crap food) for me then.


ziggi said...

I have read all your blog and comments in one sitting and have thoroughly enjoyed every word, including the interesting words from tbbfbt and even clicked to their site for a nano second to see if they were for real – sadly yes.
Re your current post – having just come back from a family holiday (on one of the Canary Islands which didn’t fall into the sea, not even half of it, might have livened things up if it had) and had to sit in front of the Fat Foul Family From Hell on a 4 hour flight, I’m all for it. Bring on the fat man I say.

tedward's Missing Ear said...

I feel that this was my bazooka story as I am clutching poor motheaten mutilated Tedward to my sobbing chest as I type (Not really he disintegrated circa 1987) however the ensuing steps taken to ensure justice (squealing to Mum and Dad) may have demonstrated my early talents for jurisprudence.

goatman said...

Sounds like the guy was bored and wanted to talk to someone!
I've been profled for years in U.S. by driving cars that somehow are taken by the cops as being connected to drug running. The will stop me for some alledged infraction (madeup "lane switching" or somesuch) then want to check the trunk. If you refuse, then its a long wait till the drug dogs come out to check and find nothing anyway.
Perhaps my government now has more important things to do other than protecting us from the "evil weed".

Vicus Scurra said...

Did your sister pay?

Richard said...

What does one treat irony deficiency with?

Vicus Scurra said...

Richard meant "With what does one treat irony deficiency?".
I have told these people to be polite and not pester you with medical matters.

ziggi said...

Vicus meant "With what does one treat irony deficiency please?"

Remiman said...

Your gift for story telling is neither ironic, nor deficient.

Vicus Scurra said...

Ziggi, I think that I love you.

realdoc said...

I can now make a public apology to tedward's missing ear who as you may have deduced was the victim in this heinous crime.

ziggi said...

O god - is your sister a lawyer?
It's never to late to sue for early childhood trauma, watch your back.

Helga von porno said...

I bet you were sexy when you were 18, that would explain the whole incident, fucking power abusing pervert pig

realdoc said...

Helga 'ahem' I am still sexy. Oh yes.